What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
