Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
