I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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