I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
