home. puking in laundry basket.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
