is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
