Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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