You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize