I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
