Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Sorry my hands just texted you
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
