the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Help. Why am I so naked?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
