As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
