I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
