i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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