I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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