Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
