Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize