Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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