It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
