census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
