Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
