Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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