put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
