just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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