Don't you send me to vm
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
