OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
