Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
