Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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