So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
