im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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