escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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