to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
