Whod you bang
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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