U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
