Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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