She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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