PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
