I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize