nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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