apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Randomize
