Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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