I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
