Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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