I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
where are you?
Hypothermia
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
