I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
