I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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