Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
