He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
