I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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