Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
worst night to have a conscience
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize