Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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