ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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