I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
