Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
