Have you finally orgasmed yet?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
