last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize