i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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