sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Vodka?
Forever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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