dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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