check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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