I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
