so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
