this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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