I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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