The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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