I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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