I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
