he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My bed smells like the plague
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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