yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
